2 Days 0 Words

a silent paddle on the canal

By The Bimbler

A good few years ago I owned a Canadian Canoe and lived near a canal. The object of this journey was to see if I could go 2 days without uttering a single word. So without further ado I packed what I needed and set off on what would be a 50 mile silent paddle.

Luckily the canal was relatively peaceful but it wasn’t long before someone said hello… I nodded awkwardly and sped up in case they engaged in small talk, a theme that defined the trip.

I tried the same tactic on an angry swan but it was better trained in non verbal communication and it’s body language left no doubt that it didn’t enjoy my company. Breaking the 4mph speed limit won the day and I was eventually left in peace once again

or at least until I arrived at Caen Hill flight, a series of 29 locks which I know from past experience are hard work…

Fortunately I was able to pull the canoe up the towpath, avoiding eye contact with the occasional Gongoozler (someone who enjoys watching activity on the canals without actually helping).

With it’s 4mph speed limit the canal is a great place to cut the pace and connect with the surroundings. I spent 10 years living on a canal boat which I’m sure contributed significantly to my bimblish mannerisms.

two days and nights later I headed home having successfully fought the urge to talk. It was a great relief to finally use my vocal cords again but in the absence of anything profound to say, the first words I muttered out loud were ‘no thanks I don’t collect nectar points’